Month: June 2014

Why not have a divorce party?

Mr. Walsh writes

But, for some reason, when I hear about divorce I don’t feel like popping the champagne bottle or sprinkling the confetti.

Is that because I’m “too young to understand”?

The issue is not that you’re “too young” to understand; the issue is that you’re too inexperienced to understand. You have yet to be (and hopefully will never be) on the receiving end of physical and emotional abuse. You have not been the stay-at-home parent reliant on your spouse and then made homeless. In Alaska. In the winter. With a baby. You have not been to the ER for a bleeding head wound caused by your spouse. You have not had your spouse clear out the checking account, knowing that you needed the money there because you have already written a check to pay for school – the schooling that will ultimately be your way out of the marriage. You have not had the neighbors hear your screams and call the police, only to have your spouse show them the bites and scratches from you defending yourself. You can show them where the bruises will show up in a few days, but because your spouse is savvy enough not to do anything to you that leaves an immediate mark on you, the police don’t believe you are the battered spouse. You have not had your spouse be unrepentantly unfaithful and been unable to do anything about it (because remember, you are the stay-at-home parent in a traditional marriage – you have no money, no job, and you have the children with you all the time).

So yes, Mr. Walsh – the gentleman was right. You don’t know the future, and sometimes people change. Sometimes people change such that your safety and the safety of your children depends on a quick, clean divorce. People ALWAYS have free will, and sometimes they use it for evil. Including your spouse.

My divorce was the best thing that had happened to me up to that point – first time in years my children and I became safe. You bet your gluteus maximus I partied when I got those court documents in the mail.